Bo's Place

Bo's Place (www.bosplace.org) is a place for grief therapy. They have many different groups - from pregnancy loss, to adult groups, young adult groups, school based, to preschool groups. Once you complete a group (typically 8 weeks), ages 5 and up can join the ongoing groups at any time. 

We decided that Jason and I would attend the "Little Friends" group - for preschoolers 3-4 years old. It started on a Wednesday. June 29. 1030 in the morning and lasted until noon. The last class was August 17. 

The sessions were all pretty much the same. We met for circle time, in a large room called a tornado room (padded walls - where kids could go normally and let out their aggression and anger). There were pillows on the floor, in a circle. Each pillow had a name tag on a string. We all sat on the pillows (some adults in chairs), and then went in a circle. We introduced ourselves and who in our family died. (Every week except the first, we also talked about our homework) About half of the circle was volunteers - they said their names and what group they would be with. Almost volunteers worked with the kids. After introductions, the director went over the days plans. Then the kids lined up, grabbed an instrument (maracas, tambourines, bells, etc), and then they marched a noisy parade to the group room. They had sharing activities, play time, pretend play, etc. At this time, the adults went to our group room. It was a room with several chairs and couches set up in a circle. We typically had 1 or 2 volunteers with us to facilitate our discussion. 

Our group time consisted of introductions (not in order. That kind of drove me nuts b/c I would have preferred to just get that out of the way. Instead, whoever felt like going, went. And there was a lot of uncomfortable silence while people waited). After introductions, we discussed how our week went, or talked about what the facilitator suggested. It was good I think. Initially we started with 9 kids I think, and 9 adults. I think we ended up with 8 and 8. There was me, and Jason - who lost a son, and a brother. There was a mom and dad and their daughter - who lost an infant and baby sister. There was a man with his grandson - who lost his daughter and the boy's mom. There was a lady with her granddaughter - who lost her daughter, and the girl's mom. (this was the woman I became closest with. Her granddaughter and Jason became fast friends. The lady lost her 23 year old daughter in a car wreck. So I think our grief mirrored each other much more so than others.) Then there were 4 ladies who all lost a spouse and 5 children who lost dads. (one mom had twin boys) One of the moms only came the first week. The kids lost a loved one to SIDS, car accidents, murder, suicide and cancer. 

Once our group times were over, we went back to the tornado room, to circle time again with the kids. This is where we got our homework for the week, counted how many sessions we had left, grabbed hands and did the wave (sort of) for a positive good-bye. Then we left! Normally, Jason and I went outside and he ran around the memory garden with some other kids and then we headed home. 

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 This was week 1. Each child got to pick a stuffed dog - a lab (Bo was a boy that the place is in memory of. Bo loved lab dogs). In the beginning circle time, we got to put beads and individualize our name tags. J picked dinosaurs. J picked a brown dog named Chip. They also got to pick a quilt. J picked a pink one because it had purple and blue on it - which are his favorite colors. At home, he curled up with his dog and blanket to watch tv. 

The 2nd week, our homework had been to bring a picture of the loved one to share with the group. Jason picked a picture of Tony and him, where Tony is showing J how to play the guitar. Then he had fun running around the memory garden with the other children.

Week 3, the children learned about living and dead things. We had to bring both something living and something dead to share. We brought some dead pine tree needles; and a spider in a jar. The kids got to plant grass seeds too - to take home and water and watch grow. (which, we tried to keep alive but eventually died)

This week, the kids continued to learn about living and dead things. They received a book called Lifetimes (which I already had bought myself, so I donated one to the town library, since the library didn't have any books to help explain death to children). You can see J with his friend K in the memory garden, and posing with the statues.

There is a week i didn't get pictures and the kids (and adults) painted rocks in memory of our loved ones. And we placed them in the memory garden. The following week however, Jason decided he wanted to keep his memory rock and brought it back home. 

This week the children painted memory boxes to take home, and put
items in that reminded them of their loved ones or that had special
meaning. We were to bring the boxes back the next week
I didn't get pictures the following week again, as the kids brought
back their memory boxes. J had a photo album of all the pictures I could find, since his birth, of him and Tony. He also put a red hot wheels car inside - since red was Tony's favorite color. He placed his memory rock inside. Also a harmonica that Tony had given him.

Here we are at the last week. This week we talked about goodbyes. J and I got there a little early so we got pictures outside first. Which was a good thing, because good-byes are hard. The adults exchanged emails after our group. We got several pictures. The kids made handprint posters for each other - of the kids waving good-bye. We got to keep our name tags. The kids released balloons - which caused J to have a complete meltdown. He didn't want to release his balloon and he felt it was broken at that point. He was crying and upset and wouldn't say good-bye to his friends. And then cried the whole 45 minute drive home because he didn't say good-bye, and because he lost his balloon.









Overall, I felt the group was fantastic. Jason is not old enough to continue on to the ongoing groups. We are debating going through another session of little friends. I miss that weekly group session of talking with others grieving and experiencing a lot of the same or similar emotions. Even though our losses were all different, a lot of the emotions were very similar.

Little friends ended a month ago. J still talks about "sharing time" (his name for it). He even sang/chanted a song they would do at the beginning of their group. I'd never heard it before a week ago. "Hey, Hey! What do you say? We are here to start our group today. We come to talk, we come to share, we come to show how much we care! Hey hey!"

I am considering taking Grace to the teen group, once marching band is over. She has made several comments in the last few weeks, which lead me to believe that she could benefit from it. She, of course, will say no, she doesn't need it. But I think, meeting with other teens, who have experienced traumatic/sudden loss (her teen group would be divided into traumatic/sudden loss - versus the chronic illness or something. I can't remember the name of the other group). Even if it's just relating to parents grieving and trying to find her place.